Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
