three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
