I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wish i was in the wii world.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
