In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
