You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
