why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
