So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
