you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
