Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
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If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
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Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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