Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
