You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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