I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
