i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
