Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
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you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
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my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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