Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
