Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
well most of my day revolves around power hour
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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