I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
