well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
