How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
