Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize