your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
