If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I need to stop coming to work sober
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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