Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
