i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
