No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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