...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
