Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
