if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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