hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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