I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
