Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Success! We fucked roommates!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
