is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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