What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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