I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
