Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
