i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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