she looked like the before picture.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
