just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
smell my finger.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
