I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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