the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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