It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
