If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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