then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Randomize
