I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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