so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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