You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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