Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
