I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
