You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
