I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
