i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
