I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
