So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
