Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
