just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Floor bacon is actually really good
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