"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
