JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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