a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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