Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
