bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
