HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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