yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
