weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
