Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
