I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
