tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
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I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
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I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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