other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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