Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
