What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
