you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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