Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
time to smoke my breakfast
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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