Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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