as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
