btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
