wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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