party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
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With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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